Online Dating Sites Preserve Traditional Gender Roles
Some people claim that online dating reinforces gender stereotypes. They argue that this negative trend can be seen in how users are encouraged implicitly or explicitly to follow the stereotypes.
For example, online dating site eHarmony provides tips for users when creating their dating profile. A subtle but revealing distinction is made between the tips for men and those for women that reinforces traditional gender roles. The eHarmony staff recommend both genders to post multiple photos, however men are told to so others can "get a sense of who [they] are," whereas women should post multiple photos because men want to "check [them] out." Lindy West, a female blogger from Jezebel, explored the advice sections on various other online dating websites and discovered that they, like eHarmony, say that it is most effective to "be a boring stereotype of your gender, apparently." She was disgusted that most of the advice for female users was about "softness and flexibility" whereas most of the advice for men was "all about action." In a nutshell, women are encouraged to be appealing to men whereas men are encouraged to take control and to be themselves. In this manner, women are not only being told to be passive; they are being told to suppress their true personalities and their true characters.
For example, online dating site eHarmony provides tips for users when creating their dating profile. A subtle but revealing distinction is made between the tips for men and those for women that reinforces traditional gender roles. The eHarmony staff recommend both genders to post multiple photos, however men are told to so others can "get a sense of who [they] are," whereas women should post multiple photos because men want to "check [them] out." Lindy West, a female blogger from Jezebel, explored the advice sections on various other online dating websites and discovered that they, like eHarmony, say that it is most effective to "be a boring stereotype of your gender, apparently." She was disgusted that most of the advice for female users was about "softness and flexibility" whereas most of the advice for men was "all about action." In a nutshell, women are encouraged to be appealing to men whereas men are encouraged to take control and to be themselves. In this manner, women are not only being told to be passive; they are being told to suppress their true personalities and their true characters.
Another way in which traditional gender roles are reinforced in online dating is through the differing traffic patterns that befall men and women. The overwhelming number of messages women receive compared to men can seem nearly unbelievable. Men usually find themselves competing with possibly hundreds of others for the same person, and so have to step up their game, so to speak. Women, on the other hand, can often be so exhausted from weeding through what they receive that they won't bother looking for men themselves. Thus feeding back into this vicious, self-perpetuating cycle of reinforced gender roles.
Sometimes even women who long to escape traditional gender roles fall into those narrow stereotypes when trying online dating. Emily Heist Moss uses online dating regularly and admits that, even as a feminist, she plays the passive role online. She awaits messages and then chooses who to respond to, which, she admits, is not the way she wants it to be, but she "condone[s] it with [her] inaction." From a female perspective, it is definitely much easier to pick and choose from the constant barrage of messages received than it is to "go through the scary exercise of asking for consideration and possibly being rejected or ignored."
Sometimes even women who long to escape traditional gender roles fall into those narrow stereotypes when trying online dating. Emily Heist Moss uses online dating regularly and admits that, even as a feminist, she plays the passive role online. She awaits messages and then chooses who to respond to, which, she admits, is not the way she wants it to be, but she "condone[s] it with [her] inaction." From a female perspective, it is definitely much easier to pick and choose from the constant barrage of messages received than it is to "go through the scary exercise of asking for consideration and possibly being rejected or ignored."
Most of the people who think that online dating reinforces traditional gender roles don't think the trend can be changed by sites alone. Online dating sites maintain the status quo, which is that women are, as West puts it, "passive, precious flowers." These people believe that online dating services cannot be the "great democratizer," as Moss describes it. In order to change the behavioral trend, the societal mindset must be changed first, and the technology will follow.